Reflux Humor...

So as I'm trying to research reflux a little more to see what if anything we can do to help our little man, plus ourselves, I came across some "reflux humor". The past few weeks put the "newborn days" to shame! Who knew that was even possible! It's SO true...exactly what our days are like!

You know you're dealing with SEVERE acid reflux when…

Friends, relatives and strangers tell you, “She looks so healthy.” She doesn’t look sick”. You just nod and smile.

The pediatrician says, “All babies” cry, vomit and wake up at night. But your baby is inconsolable for hours at a time, vomits 30+ times a day and does not sleep more than an hour at a time.

Your husband, friends, neighbors and grandparents refuse to be left alone with your high-need baby. Those who do come to help never return after one day at your house.

You have a wonderfully strong back - from carrying the baby around all day.

You have to replace your washing machine - the old one blew up.

No need for home security devices - the place looks such a mess that burglars will think someone has beaten them to it.

No need for contraception (who are you again?).

New assertiveness skills - with four hours of sleep every night you become VERY assertive with repairmen, real estate agents and used car salesmen.

You have to buy a new car seat every few months because the old one reeks of vomit and special formula.

Your baby vomits so much she has ruined a chair and the new carpeting. You both run out of clean clothes by 10am each day.

You seek support/info on the internet. Most of the time, you don’t get a chance to log on until 11:30pm. Sometimes you hold the baby over your shoulder with one hand and hunt and peck with the other hand.

After caring for your inconsolable baby 24/7, you know why babies are shaken or worse by their parents.

You have taken multi-tasking to a new and dangerous level.

You always have a contingency plan.

Instead of reading, “What to Expect in the First Year”, your parent bookshelf contains: Physician Desk Reference, a good medical dictionary and the Merck Manual (physicians edition, not the home edition).

You keep meticulous records. You are sure your child’s food intake record contains clues for an effective weight loss plan. You plan to publish it, make a lot of money and appear on Oprah.

Your pediatric gastroenterologist carries your child’s records with him at all times. He tells you his vacation/leave plans before the front office staff.

You don’t have to “panic buy” before a snowstorm or hurricane. You learned a long time ago to be prepared for sudden illness, a trip to the hospital and being homebound for days or weeks at a time.

Your little gerdling has 50+ doctor/clinic appointments and 75+ prescription refills per year.

An overnight stay at the hospital feels like a mini vacation after managing your child’s illness at home. Reality sets in when you are discharged and resume your 24 hour duties as pediatrician, nurse, gastroenterologist, nutritionist, pharmacist, respiratory therapist, social worker, case manager, housekeeper, laundry aide, video changer on top of your other household/family duties. You envy the nurses who get to go home after a 12 hour shift.

You and your child have developed a special bond. You wonder if you would cherish life and your child if her chronic condition hadn’t forced you to spend so much time together.

You wonder if you would have learned to live in the present and appreciate the little things if your child didn’t have a chronic illness. You didn’t think your life would be like this. You have no regrets and wouldn’t change one little thing.